Wakey Wakey, all my sleepy heads.

Its 11:20

Im tired, I need a full body massage, administered by a middle aged woman

who'll be able to listen to me and give me a bit of advice.

I need a mani+pedi, administered by a young lady who'll help me pick the colours

I need to go shopping, alone, so that I can enter as many shops as I want and not

be restricted by a tired friend.

I really want to reconnect with my innerself, I want to be able to tell when something

is about to happen(I have it but its slowly fading).

I want to able to study and not complain (tried it for an hour last night it was awesome)

Bloom conference is coming up and I guess I'll go unwind with my sisters, and just share

my sisterly woes with them,{sweet~~} Umm talking of conferences, I have KLIMUN

coming up in 2 weeks, I hope its better than last years', and gosh all the work I have to

do to get that coverted certificate, is just uhhhhhhhhggggggg [worth it though ~~~]

Its been 9 days since I posted something on this blog, Im getting better and better daily,

lovely.

Im listening to my Acappella and one sone by Adele~Chasing Pavements {its a lovely song,

I remember when I was chatting with my brother one morning, I had it on repeat on the playlist, It was a lovely moment and I just found myself missing him more and actually shedding a few tears :)}

Im so random at times, like now, heheheh Im having hot concentrate drink, how crazy is that? huhuuuhuh, nuts right? Oh well thats me.

Tomorrow Im spending the night at my friend's (Lone), hahahaha I know its going to be utter stupidity, facebook and just craziness. Talking about tomorrow, Im glad to be alive today and in good health [though I have a slight dry cough, some people are just ill worse], so THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR GRAC AND MERCY UPON MY SINFUL SOUL :)

Oh tomorrow tomorrow tomorrowwwwww{its Friday by the way}, what am I going to wear if Im blessed with another day?hhhmmmm!!! Lets see, M.I.A leggings and heels? I

really have to get those Nike sneaks, the colourful ones, oh they would go so well with the leggings, yeah, I'll get thenm soon.

YES, M.I.A leggings + white top+ Originals sweater+ scarf+pumps+shades=OUTFIT FOR TOMORROW. Yay settled, whats next ohhh, remember to wear a beautiful heart, help those in need, and smile and all :)

GOOD NIGHT :)

I shall appreciate the random laughs I share with everyone

Who knows, they could be gone tomorrow, or just out of reach.

Im hurting so much right now, Im supposed to be doing my language assignment, but I just can't focus, I can't been, trying for the past 6 hours but I just can't seem to keep it all together.

Im really tired of being '' smiley iron'', the only emotion that I show is a sern one and a happy smiley face. Well Im tired of it, relly tired and its weighing me down. I don't mind helping people out in their time of need, not at all, i don't mind. I've always had problems confiding in people, I can't sit down with anyone and tell them Im going through a rough patch. I just don't trust anyone and I don't want people to think Im weak. Been to therapy and councelling, but I don't even trust those people.

Im about to have a break down, and I hope its after my exams, gosh, this is too much. I cry at night and wear a smile that feels so genuine in the morning. Im tough, yes I am, but Im human as well. I feel sad, depressed and not even shopping can cheer me up. I tired of fighting, but I just can't open up, Im deliberately putting this here because no one reads it, so no one will ask.

I used to find comfort in writting poetry, angry poems(happy poems give me measles) got me by in rough, unpleasant times, now I feel so dry and empty, Im not angry, Im just empty, there's this hole in me, can't seem to fill it up, I have lump stuck in my chest, {guess thats because Im about to cry} Im soooooooooooooo tired, soooooooooooo drained and just out of touch {people around me can't see this though}

I miss my brothers, my friends, my parents, my grandma, (but I doubt if thats the reason why I feel this way)

I relly need help, Im confused, but how is anyone going to help me? I don't talk, I just don't, at least not about my problems. God I know you're reading this, you knew it before I put it down here, please send some help, this is an emergency.

sCHOOL, Activities, INTI Ball, Awesome Randomness, Happy to be alive.

Home Pedicure,heals empty pockets,hehehe

The dress I wore to the Ball

Marianna & I crazy chickas, love ya girl <3

Thats not my shirt, but I love it though,hehehe

Justin, friend & ball date,& thats not his shirt!!!

Cam@#$@ before palying silly games,hehehe

I love this dress, this hair, and that neck piece!!!

Was I showing off or just being silly :P?

Thats Potato & I at the ball, love this one.

Thats Su Ray & I, she got ''Best dressed female award''

FACTS UNFOLDED

FACT 01: I can't blog on a regular basis, I just can't.

FACT 02: Im not perfect, have never been, never will be.

FACT 03: Im human, I have limitations and abilities.

FACT 04: I love laughter, smiles, and sweetness, but I can't smile in front of a crowd.

FACT 05: Prayer, Hard work and discipline will take me to THE TOP.

FACT 06: Winning an argument isn't everything.

FACT 07: Waking up every morning, IS A BLESSING, NOT A RIGHT.

FACT 08: I CAN'T please everyone, fact 03 should give you a hint.

FACT 09: Its human to make mistakes and learn from them.

FACT 10: I have the awesomest,protective,providing,loving FATHER EVER, God is His name.

I've been busy with sweet nothings, school work, 18 hours of undisturbed sleep on weekends, assignments and everything that isn't popping up on my mind right now.

I even came face to face with racism(Its not my fault that people don't get that having fairer skin and fluffy hair doesn't make them my superiors), my wordness!!!!!!!!!!! A lot has happened.

I had H1N1 symptoms, wore a mask in the library, train and all sorts of public transport, looked way weired but still wore it anyway. I made a lot of friends, made a lot of people angry, made a lot of people laugh, grew close to some people grew away from other people (LOOK UP TO FACT 08)

There was INTI Ball, it was awesome, I was ill, got prom queen title and just lived like I've never been hurt. I discovered a lot of things, but what caught my attention for a minute were there 2 incidents where someone had the courage to go up to another person and say that I don't socialise with Africans, hey by the way thats just too big of label/title/whatever, its too heavy. Im am Kalanga, and if anyone is gonna complain that I don't socialise with them they better be Kalanga or at least share the same interest. Not just someone I don't know.

If you think Im shutting you out, ask yourself this question ''Am I adding value or trash to Bj's life?''

I had so much fun at the ball with my date Justin and our friends as well as enermies, you know if being someone's enermy paid, a lot of people would earn a lot of money for hating me. =) Sorry it doesn't pay, keep hating. After the ball we stayed over in Legend Hotel, it was so muh fun, played silly games, upset some people and pleased some. The following morning we headed to KLCC where we had lunch and went to watch Ice Age 3, and boy was it funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We laughed so hard and at some point I'd frget that I have problems,hehehehehehehe.

Those guys are great company. You know yourselves no need to put up your names. =)

Im having tests this coming week and exams in 2 weeks, I pray that I may do so well that I may be surprised at myself too. With God everything is possible............. whatch this space.........:}

Been gone,but I know no one missed me as no one reads my boring blog

April

was a very interesting month

for me, I
had exams, birthdays, birthdays
birthdays, my birthday, photoshoot and even
more
birthdays...

Well first it was Titi and Seth's birthdays
at the beginning of April, must say we celebrated those in grand style. The
three of us and some other friends of ours went to see the Malaysian
F1
Grand Prix, It was all a killa and we were adorning simple, stunning
gear,
(no make up for me[not like i wear it much]) and we completed our
looks
with CK Euphoria {Titi}, Sean John Unforgivable {Seth} and Gucci
By
Gucci {Me!}
These fragrances are sooooooooooooo great we can't
get
enough of
them,hehehehehe.

Then exams came around and that meant I got
to spend very little time with my baby Alexis {my BlackBerry
for
those who are thinking otherwise!} They {exams} drag from
Monday
through to Friday and by the time I put my pen down, I'm so tired
and
I can't
even think straight. I go to my girl Tee's house for
sleep
over and
for a bit of
cartoons.

Tee and I chill, chill and do more of
chilling while Namsa spends most of her time on FB. Days go by and my
birthday
is approaching as well.{couldn't wait to see my girl
Ranjani,[from
the HOTT
Peoples on KL, she's the only one who said
she'd
make it for my
birthday lunch,
yay!!!]}

22nd April I chat with Idan {the coolest, and
no doubt best photographer on planet photography[heheheh I know that sounds
verrrrrrrry cheesy, but anywho, its true]}

23rd April I spend the whole day lounging at
Tee's then later I go to MidValley to meet Idan so that we pick up a few
items
for tomorrow's{24th April} shoot. Well here I am looking for Idan
and
not
knowing wht to expect,hehehe well he finds me first and yeah
we
get
straight to
work.

We get into Top Shop, Miss Selfridge and
Dorothy Perkins respectively and get a few accessories which are
sooooooooooo
cool I don't even know how to thank Idan for helping me
choose
such!

Idan tells me what he's planned for the shoot
and how long he thinks its going to take *swallows hard* um 8hours!!! Gosh!
I
thought its just make up and standing there in my new white leggings,
well
he
didn't say it to my face but O guess deep, down inside he
said
''pumpkin,
its
much more than make-up and your new white
leggings, its
HARD WORK, you
sweat and
get tired.

24th April I wake up late and find Idan's
missed calls. sHOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!! Im LATE!!!

I get up and rush to the shower, then secure
a taxi to the studio and call Idan to apologise and tell him Im on my way.

On the way to the studio, there's this
traffic jam {these are the times I really LOVE KL,aaggghhh great!!!} I
arrive a
little after 10am{as opposed to the 9:30 we'd agreed on} and we
get
straight to
work.

First his lighting assistant Macx works on
the lighting while Idan does my make-up *oh its so fun and cool in the
studio*. Macx is making all these funny comments about songs {He's really
funny!!} Then this other girl comes into the studio, she's very pretty
and
her eyes are just to die for{well I didn't tell her but she's
beautiful}
her
name is Finah and we get to chit chat when she shows
me
the way to the
bathroom.

The shoot begins with a few beauty shots and
then we proceed to a whole lot of difficult, at first I felt like running
out of
the studio{yes, it was that hard} but fortunately Idan gives
me
breaks
in throughout the shoot, and this other guy comes in
with
a try
of
''sustenance'' a variety of sugar
coated
doughnuts,
and I can't
eat
like everybody else
because
of
the lipstick
hehehehehe.

Ater this break, we change the look, I change
into this dress that my mom thinks I look angelic in, but I think I look
Gothic
and scary!!!

We try a few tricks with the dress, then
Abby Chan{this cool young lady,I like the people that came over to my shoot,
they were so welcoming and warm}

She helps me with the dress and Idan takes
the pictures.

By now Im soooooooooo tire but we're
almost done, I keep my cool {usually I cry when I'm tired} and we work
till
the last shot if of satisfaction.

Phew!!! Finally its a wrap!!! We pack up and
go to this great Thai place that serves awesome food. I hang
out
with Idan and his friends, they are really nice people and we have
great
laugh
about a whole lot of silly things that are said at the
table.

We all part ways to go home, Abby,Idan and I
go together, we have a good laugh again on the way to Idan's house [we
dropped
him off first],we listen to some Solange,John Legend and many
other
awesome
songs on Abby's amazing collection. We say our good
byes
and go our
separate
ways

Now that I told you about the shoot, here are
some behind-the-scene pictures and 1 beauty shot, hopefully the other great
lot
will be done soon and whoever reads my blog will be able to see
them.

I'm going to upload a closed album on
facebook,not all my facebook friends will see it, just a selected few will
have
the privilege to see it,till then, feast your eyes on the 3
pictures I
have
now.

.

Make a Smilebox greeting

Formula 1/ Grand Prix/ Best Experience Ever/(this is a rather lame title hehehe)

Oh my gosh!!! Im sooooooooooooooo flipping tired, what was I doing? Oh well I hven't been updating my blog because basically its mine and no one ever bothers to read it, but still I'll keep

updating it when I feel the need to,hehehehe.

I had so much fun over the weekend, It was F1, family (my cousin Titi) and friends. I really don't know how to share my experience,I could show you better than I could tell you but hey, you don't read my blog so yeah,your loss,hehehehe.

I got my ticket later than I'd expected and I had to call my cousin to tell him I got the ticket (Titi,you should meet him,he's the sweetest,loudest most cheerful person you can ever meet). Sunday morning I got up,took a warm shower, pulled on my jeans, pumps and my classic, comfy blue top (I love it its comfy, chic, trendy and goes with everything: mall,class whatever),then I ran off to go meet Titi and Seth(my dear friend),then we were on our way to Sepang International Circuit.

The atmosphere was just right, the Ferrari stalls took most of my attention,(I just love Ferrari, I even did my assignment on it and scored pretty good marks) I got the F1 package which included a bottle of mineral water, Jamiroquai poster, lanyard and the super cool paper SIC paper bag which had everything i just mentioned. I then got into the bus that took me to my stand, there the fun began (at my stand, not on the bus, hehehe)

I got to my stand and to my surprise(not that it mattered.) Iwas the only black person in the entire stand!!! I got here and smiled at people and they smiled back, som commented on my hairstyle([Afro],said it was nice) and some even asked if they could touch my hair!!!! Me being the ''mini tower'' I am, I bowed and they touched it and we chit-chatted about it.

The race soon began and I reached into my bag for my Nikon-Nicolla-babe (that should be my camera). Gosh the cars moved at the speed of light and this made snapping them through my lens almost impossible(but I still managed to capture a few though)

I got hot ant the sun scotched my nose,once again I reached into my bag not for Nicolla his time though,I got my sun screen and masked my nose with it.

Mmmm, it was almost 5pm when the track inspectors wheeled in their toys to inpect the track for the Grand Prix (geez you should have seen them) I really really wasnt to be a track inspector,on a very serious note. I loved the BMW's GTI's and Merc's, they went off on the track and then at some point they speed up(Nicolla captuered them though) and it was so swift and beautiful, I'd really want to be the one doing the inspection.

The Grand Prix began and you should have seen me jumping up and down cheering the Ferrari and some other BMW,wow, I went all crazy but I was alone and this made it even better. The noise of the roaring engines, screeching of tyres just made me smile and go wild. I cheered on my drivers and I have to say I felt sorry for this driver who legged behind all drivers, for a minute I thought he was leading but actually he was the tail, when other cars wee doing their 3rd lap he was on his 2nd and i looked as if he was at the top of the tier(because he went off all alone). It went on and on like that and then came this down pour.

It slowed down the cars and made some slip off the track, it was all a mess, I packed up my stuff and went to the bus which was about 100m away from my stand and It took me to Petronas gas station. I stood there waiting for Titi and Seth. While I was waiting some middle aged me came up to me and asked me where I was from (one was black and 2 were white[not that it matters]).

I told them I was from Botswana in Southern Africa and boy, were they interested in knowing all about it in a short time. They are from USA Ohio, and they were on leave (just to watch F1!) I told them all I could and before I knew it Seth and Titi came by and it was time to go home, these Americans were very nice and one gave me his daughter's email address and told me to add her as a friend on Facebook[I'll do that after I finish this]

I really enjoyed watching the Grand Prix live on Sunday 5th April 2009,most of all

I LOVED, I LIVED, I LAUGHED

Vinashini Home For The Mentally Challenged,Orphans And Physically, Handi~capped

This is one of the weekends that I'd say I spent wisely here. I woke up, took a shower. Had good breakfast,(filled me up till I left the center), I'll say more about this trip tomorrow or Monday.